If Bert can masturbate... why can't I?

Story about "Bert the Bird":

One day (after we adopted him - 6 years ago) I noticed he was chirping/playing (agressivly) with one of his toys.  I thought it was wierd, but I was happy that he took to his toy...  But he did that about 3-5 times a day.  I spoke to a friend of mine who's a bird "expert" and she said, "Ari...  he's masterbating..."  I said, "Say WHAT!?!?  No way!  But he doesn't have a look of guilt when he's done (like a lot of us experience after the act)."  She said, "I promise you he's masturbating."

I went home and thought about it.  As a Christian woman, I'm taught that it's wrong to play with your "bits & pieces".  So, when it does happens (masterbation), you feel guilty & you feel like an asshole... & there's immediatly a feeling that comes over you..."SOMETHNG TERRIBLY WRONG is going to happen".  For instance, "Am I going to get hit by a car?  Now I'm not going to win the lotto!!  Will one of my pets or family members get sick? "  Or like in the scary movie "The Ring"...  You will die after you watch the video....  

But watching Bert in the "act" & when he's "finished" it makes think...  I don't see Bert looking concerned that something bad is going to happen to him.  Or a guilty look that he's disappointed "someone". He doesn't fly to his little tub of water and cleanse the guilt/dirtiness away. He actually has a proud look on his face, like saying, "yeah... I tapped that..."  

So...  If Bert can masterbate... why can't I?!?